Back at One

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Lessons in Love

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Let It Go1

I’ve had a love letter in my heart for much of the week. Perhaps it’s the series of events and shifting occurring in my own life at this time as I approach another milestone birthday. A bit of it may be my reflections on my time back in the city and all that has happened over the last 7 years.  But I also think it’s the surge of posts and pics I have seen of friends and loved ones celebrating anniversaries, welcoming new additions and even some who are embracing love at new levels for the very first time.

For another set of reasons I have decided against writing my love letter (or at least sharing it via this blog) :-). But I do want to share some of my very special lessons in love. Here we go:

  • As much as we may not want to believe or affirm this, we attract what we are. Our wholeness, self-love and sense of purpose attract just that. But likewise, our insecurities, places of brokenness and feelings of being incomplete attract that as well.
  • There is never, ever, ever just cause in comparing the insides of our relationships: our shortcomings, areas of improvement, and intimate sharings to the outside of another’s: what others present to us either intentionally or unintentionally, what we see via social media (especially) or the mere conclusions we’ve drawn about the lives of others.
  • While seeking wise counsel is usually helpful and having a circle of friends with whom to share personal details with confidence of them holding such details sacred is most often a blessing, no one can ever tell us exactly how to live our lives.  We have to live with the results of our actions and we live with them minute by minute, day by day. Therefore, the counsel of our hearts (where I truly believe that God plants messages) is the ultimate decider, not the advice of others.
  • When in doubt, remember what was happening at the beginning of the journey. What was shared? What was honored? What was special? What was sacred?  There can be value found in starting back at one …
  • No amount of love can ever complete another and fulfill the soul searching that one must do to find their life’s work. I truly believe that the healthiest relationships are found between two people who have thriving lives of their own. Perhaps some of their endeavors meet and are done together, but some may not. A relationship is not a space to dump all of our wanderings about life or attempt to force another to fulfill our longings for purpose.
  • There is nothing in the world more beautiful, nothing more profound, nothing more special than loving another and knowing without a doubt that they love you back and that this love is expressed in ways in which we welcome, honor and accept them.
  • As we’ve heard so many times, “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.”

Some of the lessons I’ve learned have warmed my heart, while others have nearly torn it apart. Nonetheless, I am thinking for all that I’ve learned and those who share in my growth. Wishing you lots of love, happiness and joy!



One of Life’s Most Beautiful Gifts …

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Still Believe

For Maya

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MayaLike so many others across the globe, I have spent the latter part of this week mourning the death of Dr. Maya Angelou. And like so many others around the world, I join the plethora of people who have written tributes, blog posts, poems, songs, kind words, speeches and so much more in her honor.

Even as I have anxiously anticipated sitting to write, I am overwhelmed with all that I could share and much of what I know I will not. I toyed with the idea of re-posting my favorite Maya Angelou poems, but decided against it. I entertained thoughts of writing a detailed piece of how much I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings touched my soul and still remains one of my favorite novels and also changed my mind about it. And I also envisioned a post about my love of poetry and how it was indeed my repeated encounters with Maya Angelou that allowed me to embrace a different form of creative writing.

What I have resigned to share are two thoughts. One is that as I read so many posts from Brown and Black women like me, I wondered just how many have no idea who Dr. Angelou is, have never read a single line of any of her work and may in fact be wondering what all the fanfare is about. I thought about writing seminars, literature classes and spoken word events in which no one ever utters her name or gives tribute to a single piece of work by her. I reflected on my own experiences in various settings and took a moment to ponder just who would go the extra mile to learn about a woman who has impacted so many … who is indeed gone from this physical space, but never forgotten.

My 2nd thought surrounded the transitions that have been made this year. All within the span of 6 months, Dr. Angelou is the 4th woman to no longer call this place home who has had a profound impact on my life (the other 3 much more directly). I thought and continue to think, not only about the legacies of these women, but what their involvement in my life calls me to do … to become. How can I not teach? Write? Nurture? Learn? Share? Inspire? Support? How can I commit without ceasing to never settling for just an ordinary life, but earnestly attempting to use all of my gifts and talents in ways that pour back into the communities in my life. For me these women haven’t just left loving memories and more than a few broken hearts, they’ve left calls to duty to replenish our communities with all that we’ve received from them – and then some.

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