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My Birthday = My (Re) Birth Day

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Closer by Goapele

Since adulthood, my birthday has always been a big deal to and for me. I plan rituals around it and really try to work hard to assess and reassess where I am and where I want to be. But this year was different. Without any major work, I naturally felt renewed. I am sure it helps that I spent 5 days in one of the most beautiful places in the world with some lovely people, but perhaps it’s also because this entire year has been about taking better care of me, honoring me, (re)finding and (re)defining me. Being me. I returned from vacation on last Wednesday, but have continued to feel that same renewal, replenishing and rejuvenation.  So I want(ed) to capture the moment of what it feels like to commit to being in my “happy place” and to do the work to reside there continuously regardless of what life brings.

As I look ahead, I continue to see my dreams coming to fruition. I see my efforts, time and energy focused in the direction of my aspirations. I see and acknowledge all the wonderful and loving people who surround me each day. I finally have a clear vision of my gifts, talents and dream career – it feels amazing to be on my way. I am in the absolute best shape of my life and although I have more work to do, this feels great!!!

10 days post my Earth-Day I just stopped by to say I am thankful for life, lessons, new beginnings, growth, change, love, laughter, friendships and … rediscovery ;-).

 

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Courage

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Speak the Truth

(Reblog) I Wept Today

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I Wept Today.

Is My Living in Vain?

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Martin

On Saturday night I went to the movies to see 42. As I exited the theater I picked up my phone – 36 alerts. I switched over to text messages and saw a reply from an earlier message to a friend. The end of her message read “Zimmerman not guilty.” I asked, “On all counts?” She replied, “Yes.” Tears filled my eyes as I felt like my heart was being ripped out! I began reading posts on FB and IG … perhaps my biggest mistake.

I spent the remainder of the weekend trying to “get myself together” and perhaps make sense of why this case pierced my heart in this way. Perhaps because it’s the first time that something like this –highly charged, racially motivated , injustice prevailing – has happened while I have been on social media. I found myself both proud of being associated with some of my friends and angry that others seemed to go on as if nothing at all happened; inspired by many of the responses of empathy and sympathy and irritated by the insensitive and downright ignorant comments by others. Or perhaps it’s because things of this nature – racial profiling, police brutality, unjustified shootings – happen quite often. The nation rises up, people protest, media covers the events and subsequent reactions but after a month of two, life seems to go on as usual. So perhaps I was and am praying, hoping, longing for the momentum to remain; for people to remember and use this as the impetus for ongoing change. Or maybe it’s because I have been perceived as “taking life too seriously” or “demanding too much” from both my most intimate relationships and even peripheral social relationships, but this case reminded me of my passion – of my most innate longing to ALWAYS remain aware, engaged and active. This case and this verdict reminded me that I have a voice and that unless I use it, injustice, inequality, and discrimination prevail. This case reminded me that I have a purpose driven life that does not belong to me. This case reminded me that unless I am willing to live each and every day of my life in such a way that reaches out and beyond, all my anger, frustration, sadness and confusion are in vain.

What now: I have decided to step back a little from social media. I am finding it to be a bit much with random – and not so random – posts that appear to have not been well thought through from people I believe would never be able to back up their thoughts in a crowd of their peers. I am also doing a self-recheck; just making sure that my actions are intentional, my life is one of service and that I use this additional momentum to keep going.  And finally I ask you: what are you doing? How do you live your life? Does your service extend beyond your household and immediate family? Do you remain abreast of current events and their correlation to historical occurrences? After your anger subsides, will your ongoing actions speak for your passion?

Writing truly is my therapy. I didn’t think I had the courage or enough sense of calm to write this post, but I am happy I pressed through. Thank you for reading. 

(Reblog) How to Talk about a Miscarriage

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So thankful for brave friends who have the courage to utter words I dare not speak … I LOVE Megan.

How to talk about a miscarriage.

We Wear the Mask

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Extreme Shoes

I wore heals to work today. Not only did I wear them, but I walked around in them allll day long. It wasn’t until I was headed out of the office that I thought to myself ‘these shoes are not comfortable.’ The thought shocked me because I didn’t seem to notice this all day. I began thinking about how we respond to life in a similar way: we become so accustomed to the pain or the lack of transparency or the shattered dreams or the half fulfilled promises that it becomes somewhat normal to us.

I think many become accustomed to wearing the mask. The ongoing, intentional, dishonest mask. The mask of uncertainty. Of falsehood. Of a lesser than the best me. Of the person our mother, brother, father, mentor want(ed) us to be versus who we are. I thought of my shoes. I thought of my friends. I thought of some mistakes I have made and vowed to never make again and an oldie but goodie by Paul Laurence Dunbar couldn’t be more fitting.

  We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

    Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

    We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

Life after miscarriage

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Life after miscarriage.

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