Broken Heart

Today is December 18th … a date that I will never forget. It is the birthday of two very special people in my life, marks the official due date of my last final and this time last year I was hospitalized for what would become #1 of 4 over the course of the next 6 weeks. So on today, I think of celebrations … celebrating the birthdays of my friend and cousin; celebrating the end of my first semester in school; celebrating reprieve and rest!!! But I also think of sorrow and sadness … of just how quickly things in life can change. I write this as the tragedy in Newtown is still very fresh in the minds and hearts of this country and I’m reminded of what a difference a day makes. So this is post is just me saying to you that this is YOUR life … make it count.

My first semester back in school started out a little nerve-wrecking: 5 classes, one part time job, a very part time research assistant position and LIFE. What in the world was I thinking??? BUT it will easily go down in history as one of the most impactful semesters I have had thus far. My classes all seemed to mesh and be just on time for what I was experiencing in my life. I seemed to be in just the right places for just the right conversations at just the right times – a constant reminder that I’d make the right choice. Therefore, I close the semester fatigued – yes :-)! – but with an overwhelming sense of gratitude and accomplishment. I made it!!!

And now it’s on to finding a healthy place to continue to process and heal from the events of last December and January. I hate that something that happened a year ago could feel so fresh in my heart and still hurt so much. At the same time, I am encouraged and determined to see the beauty and blessings in all things. I am reminded that life will throw some hard punches … hearts will be broken … shit will happen, but we have to pick ourselves up and find a way to move on. This is not to ignore giving credence to taking time to heal, acknowledging the pain or even in very practical terms: getting some professional help. But this is to say that I have decided to press through the pain; pick up my hurt and try to use it as inspiration; as someone told me: see even the tiny blessings in all things. So on today I celebrate and I cry … and I am okay with that. This is my life and I will work to make it count … even through the pain.

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